We all experience it. Whether it’s with friends, at work with a colleague, with a family member, or on some kind of sports team. It’s that situation where someone says something…without really saying it. I’m talking about the scaredy cat route to saying how you really feel. The–dare I say it–fake outlet to being real with people.

I’m talking about being passive aggressive.

Why Passive Aggressive Communication Doesn’t Work

Whether you’re a woman or a man, a young adult or a grown-ass adult, you need to stop with the passive aggressive bullshit and start telling people exactly how you feel. The problem with a passive aggressive communication style is that it leaves everyone feeling unsatisfied after the exchange, including yourself. YOU know you didn’t say exactly what you felt and the receiver also knows that, too. Everyone is just left feeling cheated on.

Okay, let’s first focus on why we might tend to choose a passive aggressive communication style.

1. You’re afraid to hurt their feelings. Well too late homie. You already did. The receiver of the passive aggressive communication already knows you meant something more direct with your statement. But they also know you chose not to say it directly. A passive aggressive communication style is disrespectful and just plain B.S.
2. You think you’re successfully avoiding unnecessary confrontation. For example, you’re really fucking annoyed your roommate didn’t clean her fucking dishes yet AGAIN. You decide to send a harmless text message that goes along the lines of: “It would be really great if we could remember to clean dishes so other people don’t have to do it. No pressure or offensive! I just think a clean house would be awesome! 🙂” You may be thinking this is a great and non-direct way to approach the issue…but that’s just it! It’s so non-direct that it’s actually totally rude. In a situation like this, you should own your feelings and address the situation like an adult. You need to speak with that roommate, face to face, and tell her that you would feel better appreciated and happier if they would take the time to clean their dishes. After all, cleaning your dirty dishes is just common sense.
3. You don’t want to blame anyone. Well guess what. With your indirect address, you kind of pretty much are putting the blame on at least someone. Even if you’re not saying their name out loud.

You Deserve to Speak and They Deserve to Hear

Everyone is entitled to their feelings. Odds are if you’re annoyed by something, you probably have a good reason to feel that way. However, when you choose a passive aggressive communication style to convey how you feel about a situation, you’re pretty much making your feelings unworthy of being directly conveyed. You’re giving into your own fears of being judged and ridiculed for speaking your mind. Own how you fell. You deserve to say exactly how you feel and your receiver deserves to know exactly where you’re coming from.

With all that being said, however, always remember to use respect when you speak your feelings.

Read more about why a passive aggressive communication style is disruptive and damaging here.

Tell me about how you feel about this communication style and how your experience with it has affected your relationships and the way you live!

She Salt